Well, the team project has finally come to a close, along with the second year, and I must admit, I'm almost.. stunned perhaps? I feel like the cartoon image of a man standing in the wake of a formula-1 car in the desert. Everything is roaring, noisy, messy, fast paced, and then suddenly, without preperation, I'm left alone in a desert with nothing but the settling dust to keep me company. Sounds depressing doesn't it?
And well yes, I kind of miss that group project, and definitely enjoyed it. As a team we bonded strongly. Colleagues at the beginning, friends at the end. I've taken a lot of positive experiences from it, learned a lot about unreal, and also about myself.
In the first year, I'd looked forward to being a team leader in the second year, running a group project. I was assured of myself, relaxed that my experience would sail me to the front, and have people looking forward to being in MY group. But when the group projects rolled around, I learned a strong lesson, a harsh lesson, but one I'm grateful of to no end.
I wasn't picked as a group leader, in fact I was almost seen as a 'liability' within the group, as people had noticed my relaxed attitude towards working hard, and had noticed my poor attendance. When I put myself forwards as a group leader, I received an almost laughing response "But you'd never turn up!" - bastards! This was my first year dream they're ruining, of course I'd fucking turn up, this would be my baby! - But they were right... What other image had I presented? What other examples of working hard had I given? What had I given to them that would lead them to believe that I was capable of doing a bloody good job? Nothing...
Every member of the class learned about unreal, learned about naming conventions, and I'm sure anyone reading these blogs would be bored stupid about people trying to sound interesting when writing a doppelgänger blog about what the group project taught them, would be bored stupid, and I won't bore you with it.
But I learned more than just that, I learned about myself. I learned that people perceive you skills based on what you practice in front of them. People think you're lazy if you don't turn up. And these people will one day be the ones deciding your fate in the games industry.
I learned that people perceive me as being lazy, cocky and lacking in self-discipline. Regardless of what I KNOW about myself. I learned the hard way that this affects my ability to chase my dreams. And I learned that I'm going to fucking change this image.
Good night, and thanks for a blast team: 'Shock! Horror!' We were fucking awesome.